A powerful tactic for hard conversations

I’ve noticed a recurring theme come up in a few of my coaching sessions recently and wanted to share this insight because it seems to be helping my clients and maybe it will help people on here too.

When someone says something we don’t like or that rubs us the wrong way whether that’s at work or in our personal life, we’re often tempted to do 1 of 2 things.

1. Oppose/defend.
2. Shutdown.

There is a 3rd way that we often forget about that can be incredibly helpful in navigating conflict which is to simply ask questions.

Questions like…
-What do you mean by that?
-Could you tell me more?
-What’s leading you to think that?
-Or anything that’s relevant to the conversation that will get the person talking/elaborating.
Tip: The more neutral the questions sound….the less fiery the response will likely be.

How it helps:

1. The person may have said what they did by default. When they’re respectfully questioned about it, they might gain greater insight into their own opinion, begin to take ownership of the things they’ve said, and perhaps even see the situation from a new angle.
2. You might actually agree with them the more you understand their thought process.
3. Holding space for someone to elaborate on their thoughts/opinions may make them more inclined to hold space for you to share your thoughts/opinions. Even if you don’t agree it’s good practice to work with our differences instead of against them.

Greater perspective = greater opportunity for a way forward.